Jan 24, 2013

I can smell the weekend!

Ok, I'll be real honest, I am eating my feelings. It was that or drink them, and ice cream sounded better. Whatev.. its the healthier slow churned kind and I threw some strawberries in there.  Its fine. I've had a rough couple weeks, the hubs is at work, and I had Zumba earlier so I figured I could eat back SOME of those calories.  Like I said, some, not all of them :)

Speaking of Zumba tonight, that damn song that has been creepin on me and making me feel guilty was my be-yotch tonight. Take that, Train, take that. Its one of those songs that gets your momentum up. I've read about runners having songs that help them keep going and pick up the pace. This song does it for me. It was nice to redeem myself after skipping Zumba and eating cheesy pasta instead. On my way home from tonight's booty shakin', I stopped by to check on my Grammy and see if she needed anything, and she said "Erin I think you're smaller than you've ever been." Thats how I know I'm making progress.  She doesn't just hand out compliments like that. Love her to death, but thats just who she is. I wouldn't change her though ;)

Gram got me thinking though... If I still had the clothes that I had in 8th grade, they would still fit and I'm not even lying.  Fitting into high school jeans is a huge accomplishment for some, and middle school jeans aren't heard of, but I'm not proud those middle school and high school jeans.  My middle school and high school years are the source of my negative body image.  I was bigger than all my friends in height and weight, but my friends hadn't matured yet.  As they started to grow as women and got taller, I remained the same. As they became taller and thinner, I became shorter and shorter in comparison. It led to my confidence in other aspects of my life being lost and my high school years were spent hiding in a shell.  I hung out with my parents a lot. I don't regret a single Friday or Saturday night with my parents but I knew something was wrong when my dad became concerned that I wasn't hanging out with anyone and was going to dinner with them every Friday night instead. It all stemmed from poor body image and hating the body I was in. 

Now, at 23 years old, I've finally had enough of the hating and am learning to love my body. I'm taking control and making changes.  I don't think living in a shell or hating my refletion was enough to motivate me though.

I am NOT proud to say that I could still fit into my middle school jeans if I still had them. What I AM proud to say is that my middle school jeans would be too big :) Progress is being made and I don't plan on stopping.

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