Jan 31, 2013

Remember why you started

Well aren't we off to a good start on this ol' blog here? I have been so insanely busy that my only contribution to household chores recently would be cooking dinner.  And since Danny worked Tuesday night and is at work tonight, I've hardly contributed this week. Its fine. I married a wonderful man and thats all there is to it.

As I've been reading the blogs that I follow this week, they have all been revisiting their resolutions or goals for the year and I've thought to myself, "well what a wonderful idea that is." Then I asked myself if I was happy with the first month in this journey to achieve my goals and I have to say, I'm pretty happy about January.  It most definitely didn't start off the way I was expecting with work getting absolutely nuts, but I think I've balanced the craziness with my goals for myself personally pretty well.

The real eye opener of the week was this morning when I was catching up on Mama Laughlin's blog and reading her post from yesterday on when the things get tough. To say life has been tough this month would be an understatement. My professional life has put starting a new chapter of my personal life on hold for a while until things calm down.  (Perks of being self-employed.. you can't always "leave it at the office" ya know) Some days I feel like I could take on the whole world regardless of the fact that I am only 23, but then there are days like today where I feel like I've taken on way too much and don't know which way to go next and am losing control. While I was reading her post and eating my dark chocolate Hershey Kiss thinking to myself "theres no way in hell I'm logging this in Lose It" I read the part where she said when she started her weight loss journey, she tracked EVERYTHING, including the Little Debbie's. It was a sign, I'm sure of it. In that moment, all the reasons that I want to better myself came flooding into my mind. What I eat, how I feel, and how I look are all something I have control over. So, I owe a thank you to Mama Laughlin for yet another inspiring post. (Side note, I LOVE Mama Laughlin. She was the first blog I started reading and and I follow her religiously.)

So, here is why I've started this journey:
- fat rolls are cute as a baby, not in your 20s
- I want to be healthy for the day that I become pregnant
- tight pants suck
- tight shirts suck too
- being overweight makes you tired and I was tired of being tired
- I don't want to find myself crying to my husband about how I look again (its happened and he was a champ of a husband the entire time)
- I'm tired of making excuses for myself

Those are all really generic, boring, not very in depth reasons, but they are all that come to mind right now. There are hundreds of reasons why I've started this journey. I just need to tell myself every once in a while to just keep going.

Jan 24, 2013

I can smell the weekend!

Ok, I'll be real honest, I am eating my feelings. It was that or drink them, and ice cream sounded better. Whatev.. its the healthier slow churned kind and I threw some strawberries in there.  Its fine. I've had a rough couple weeks, the hubs is at work, and I had Zumba earlier so I figured I could eat back SOME of those calories.  Like I said, some, not all of them :)

Speaking of Zumba tonight, that damn song that has been creepin on me and making me feel guilty was my be-yotch tonight. Take that, Train, take that. Its one of those songs that gets your momentum up. I've read about runners having songs that help them keep going and pick up the pace. This song does it for me. It was nice to redeem myself after skipping Zumba and eating cheesy pasta instead. On my way home from tonight's booty shakin', I stopped by to check on my Grammy and see if she needed anything, and she said "Erin I think you're smaller than you've ever been." Thats how I know I'm making progress.  She doesn't just hand out compliments like that. Love her to death, but thats just who she is. I wouldn't change her though ;)

Gram got me thinking though... If I still had the clothes that I had in 8th grade, they would still fit and I'm not even lying.  Fitting into high school jeans is a huge accomplishment for some, and middle school jeans aren't heard of, but I'm not proud those middle school and high school jeans.  My middle school and high school years are the source of my negative body image.  I was bigger than all my friends in height and weight, but my friends hadn't matured yet.  As they started to grow as women and got taller, I remained the same. As they became taller and thinner, I became shorter and shorter in comparison. It led to my confidence in other aspects of my life being lost and my high school years were spent hiding in a shell.  I hung out with my parents a lot. I don't regret a single Friday or Saturday night with my parents but I knew something was wrong when my dad became concerned that I wasn't hanging out with anyone and was going to dinner with them every Friday night instead. It all stemmed from poor body image and hating the body I was in. 

Now, at 23 years old, I've finally had enough of the hating and am learning to love my body. I'm taking control and making changes.  I don't think living in a shell or hating my refletion was enough to motivate me though.

I am NOT proud to say that I could still fit into my middle school jeans if I still had them. What I AM proud to say is that my middle school jeans would be too big :) Progress is being made and I don't plan on stopping.

Jan 22, 2013


Oh my gosh is it Friday yet? Holy crap. I'm probably going to be saying this every day until about the end of March when my life as a crop insurance agent sloooows way down. Thats how this business works.. you work your ass off for 2.5 months, twiddle your thumbs for the next 2, work your ass off again for 3, then you coast the rest of the year. It is what it is and I'll get my whole life back in a couple months. 

So tonight, I was haunted by a Zumba song. Lets just pause for a minute so I can express my love for Zumba. 4 months ago I was introduced to this wonderful, 60 minute intense workout. I had heard about this phenomenon and that it was just fabulous, but I was terrified to go. I didn't want to just walk in there not knowing what I was getting into and I certainly wasn't going to do it by myself.  As soon as a friend asked me to go, I jumped on that opportunity and lets just say it was love at first drop of sweat. (Time out for fun right now though, I'm catching up on the Bachelor and I'm watching the first episode. Ashley P, the 50 Shades of Grey chick, is a nut job. Where did they find her?!) 4 months later, I'm close to addicted to Zumba. The Zumba I go too, isn't your typical Zumba, or so I'm told.  The class I go too isn't ALL dancing. I mean, we shake our things and I look like a fool for at least 75% of the workout... the instructor just incorporates a lot of squats, ab work and arm exercises into.

Now onto me being full on haunted by this music that my body is use to groovin too.
Example 1 - Girl weekend with my mother in law and sister in laws (or is it sisters in law? I've heard both ways I after a year and a half of having in laws, I still don't know the correct term. whatever) We were shopping and I had been binge eating on the free breakfast buffet, 3 free adult beverages at the hotel, fast food, cookies, all things that don't normally fit within my calorie limit. I heard at least 3 different songs over the course of 2 days. Not a big deal.
Example 2 - The hubs and I are enjoying a nice date night that started at an Italian restaurant then he surprised me with a trip to an ice cream place. This ice cream place, Ivanhoes, has about 100 different sundae and shake flavors. As I am taking my last bite of my delicous pecan pie sundae (the mini, mind you) one of the hardest songs of the last few weeks comes on. I just looked up at the speakers and shook my head. I get it, Train, I get it. (the song was that 50 ways to say good bye or whatever the title is.)
Example 3 - so this one happened tonight. I decided to not go to Zumba.. yeah I just expressed my undying love for the workout and decided not to go. I actually made the decision to not leave my house when I got home from work because it was so damn cold out, Danny is at work, and I've got hours upon hours of tv calling my name. But, my aunt texted me and said her and my Grammy had dinner ready and they made mac and cheese. The inner fat kid heard mac and cheese and couldn't of gotten in her car fast enough. As I'm turning the corner to go down Gram's road, THE DAMN TRAIN SONG COMES ON! Of course, its Zumba night, I skip Zumba, and decide to eat macaroni and cheese instead.

Music has a way of speaking to me. Whether its telling me that I need to lay off the pasta and ice cream, or something else, I do believe songs play at certain times for a reason. Yeah, I still ate the mac and cheese, but thats not the point. The most influential instances are songs that pertain to my dad. We played the song Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd at his funeral. He had the lyrics framed and hanging in our barn.. it just explained his life.  Well, this song has a way of making its way into my life. It has come now at a time when I could really use my dad's advice, his approval. I've been looking, waiting, LISTENING for a sign for weeks, and I got it today. I know I'm on the right path.

Like I've said before, there is always a song to fit the needs of your life. Its so reassuring.

Jan 20, 2013

Ohh Sundays

Sunday has arrived.  That means the weekend is drawing to an end and the work week is creeping up on me. Sundays have transformed for me over the years. High school and college, they were for finishing homework and lounging with the family and Danny. When I was done with college, I told myself they would be for all those wonderful projects that I found on Pinterest.  Well, that last for about 2 weeks.

Now that work has spun out of control for the year (thats how crop insurance works my friends.. more on my lovely job another day) as it does a few times out of the year, Sundays have transformed into catching up on laundry, couponing, meal planning for the week, and snuggling with my hubs and pup :) Well, the pup on days Danny is at work, which today is one of those days. I'm a firm believer in meal planning. Its vital to reasonable spending on groceries as well as a healthy lifestyle. Always have a plan!

One of my goals for 2013 is to learn how to do it all, how to manage the crazy busy times and still be the person that I want to be. The last few weeks have been absolutely crazy and I haven't exactly been balancing it very well. I want it to change and I need it to change. Sundays are going to be where that takes place. I am a firm believer in that Sundays are a day of rest, so my path to this change will need to complement that too.

Here's the plan... when Danny's home/when its just me:
Morning time - attend church / browse the weekly ads, plan any shopping trips and all meals, catch up on General Hospital (don't judge me, I love it.)
Afternoon - lunch after church, some light cleaning / grocery store if necessary, lunch date with a friend or my mama
Evening - this is where it doesn't matter if Danny is home or at work.  This will be where the Pinterest crafting and home organizing will happen! I've got quite a few things that need accomplished. This will be the calm before the storm, the storm being the work week lol.

Thats all I've got for now. I have lunch plans with my long time BFF at the Mexican restaurant here in town, so I need to get in the shower and obsess over how I want to order arroz con pollo and a fish bowl (32 oz) marg, but I need to order fajitas, then drool over the tortillas, sour cream, rice and beans they bring with it and not actually eat them. I WILL get diet coke though. The diet coke at this place is delicious, like better that McDonald's delicious, which is impressive. Ok, this hair aint gonna wash, dry and straighten itself.

See yens :)

Jan 13, 2013

Well hello, blog world :)

I told myself a few months ago that one of my goals for the new year was to start a blog. I wanted to do it for a couple of reasons.

1. I need a dang hobby.
2. I want to use it as a way to hold myself accountable for this good ol' lifestyle change that I am in the process of making.
3. I wanted something that was mine.
4. Its also a place where I can shamelessly brag about my husband, our dog, our families, and our crazy, blessed, anything but normal life.
5. It can also be a "journal" of sorts. I can relive memories and my journey through life.
6. Everyones doin' it.

I'll be honest, I'm probably going to use it mostly to bitch and moan about the daily struggle that is my body. Not gonna lie. Majority of my thoughts are about this particular subject so majority of my posts are likely to be about this very topic.

Anywho, a little introduction to me and my life.

My name is Erin and I am 23 years old. I married my sweet and wonderful husband Danny on 8/5/11. We're high school sweethearts. Yes, we're adorable.
The title for my blog is influenced by a song that describes us very well. Its called "Living our love song" and its by Jason Michael Carroll. YouTube it. Its a great song. And everyone has their own love song. Their own story.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE country music. There is always a song to fit whatever mood or situation I am in. When that happens, I'll let you, my readers if I ever gain any, know.  :)
We just bought a house 2 months ago. We have a 4 legged baby... no 2 legged babies just yet. In due time, my friends.
I graduated from Ball State University in Dec 2011 and am a member of Pi Beta Phi. One of the best decisions of my life.
I love cheap wine, cooking, Pinterest (this is way more than a "like" thing), shopping, a good book on my Kindle, hosting parties, a great girls night, and my DVR.
I'll share the rest with you all as it comes up. :)

That's all for now folks.