Jun 5, 2015

Life Goes On

If there is one thing I've learned in the past 5 years, its that life goes on. Just because one of the single most important people is your life is no longer here, it doesn't mean that you can stop living. So many things have happened since that horrible day  I lost my biggest hero. My dad.

Last week I talked about how I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately because of the time of year it is. Saturday will be 5 years.

Five years since I've talked to him.
Since I've heard him laugh at his own jokes.
Since I've laughed at him for laughing at his own jokes.
Since he's shared a story about why a song means so much to him.
Since I've had a barn night with him and his friends.
Since he's given Danny shit about something.
Since I've watched him punch my brother in the arm for avoiding the "no mid-torso" rule on poking him.
Since I've worked with him in his office.
Since we ate a turkey bacon club a side of a mayonnaise and french fries together
Since we went on an F.O.E. (F**k Off Excursion) in the middle of the work day.
Since he trash talked my brother about their upcoming game of golf.
Since I've heard him make a joke about his best friend's big ears in response to a joke about his big head.

And in that 5 years he has missed so much that he was supposed to be here for...
My first legal drink. He missed this one by 2 months and 15 days.
My first trip to the casino. His friends pulled some strings and got Danny and me a free room at the casino they went to a couple times a year.
My engagement. The one that would be to a guy from Alexandria even though he begged me not to marry anyone from here. The one that would be to a guy that he already told would never be good enough to marry me because no one ever would.
My wedding. The one where I marry a guy from Alexandria even though he begged me not too. The one where I had to dance with his 3 best friends.
My brother's college baseball career. The one where he finally gets to sit in the stands and relax because the goal was achieved.
My college graduation. The one that would be the start of my real job working with him.
My first house with my husband. The one that he helped me save for. The one with the living room that he would have helped me paint red even though all walls in every house should be Antique White.
My first big customer. The one that he tried to get 2 years before he died.
My brother trying to master "Dad's Chicken" on the grill. The kind that cooked every night he could during the summer. Even if he didn't start it until 9pm.
My first baby. The one that has his cheeks, round head and small mouth... and temper when you wake him up before he's ready.
My Grammy passing away. It would have broken his heart, but I never imagined having to go through that without him.
My brother's college graduation. The one that would be the start of his real job working with us.

Things have been tough professionally too. Not only because I'm doing this job without him, but because people have made it tough by trying to "give" our business to someone else right out from under us, then someone actually taking half of it the next year, and another guy just flat out taking advantage. None of which would have happened if he were still here.

It's hard to believe its been 5 years. So much has happened since he's been gone. I miss him just as much now as I did the day it happened. I think about him every single day. I tell everyone that it doesn't get easier. Because it doesn't. You just learn to live with the hurt because life goes on. And it's for the best that it does. If I didn't keep going with my life, I wouldn't be where I am today, and I like where I am. Even though I'm missing a huge part of my life.


  1. This made me cry Erin! Your Dad sounds like an amazing guy. I'm so sorry he isn't here physically to experience all of these moments in life with you but I am sure he is with you in spirits and very proud of you!

  2. AW Erin I am crying. I am so sorry my Grandpa Vasquez was this guy for me and he passed in 2009. I know exactly how you are feeling and I am sending you a lot of prayers and a ton of hugs. You are doing your best and that he would be proud of.. even if you married the man he told you not to ;-)

  3. He is with you always watching over you.. <3

  4. He is with you always watching over you.. <3