Life Goes On

If there is one thing I've learned in the past 5 years, its that life goes on. Just because one of the single most important people is your life is no longer here, it doesn't mean that you can stop living. So many things have happened since that horrible day  I lost my biggest hero. My dad.

Last week I talked about how I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately because of the time of year it is. Saturday will be 5 years.

Five years since I've talked to him.
Since I've heard him laugh at his own jokes.
Since I've laughed at him for laughing at his own jokes.
Since he's shared a story about why a song means so much to him.
Since I've had a barn night with him and his friends.
Since he's given Danny shit about something.
Since I've watched him punch my brother in the arm for avoiding the "no mid-torso" rule on poking him.
Since I've worked with him in his office.
Since we ate a turkey bacon club a side of a mayonnaise and french fries together
Since we went on an F.O.E. (F**k Off Excursion) in the middle of the work day.
Since he trash talked my brother about their upcoming game of golf.
Since I've heard him make a joke about his best friend's big ears in response to a joke about his big head.

And in that 5 years he has missed so much that he was supposed to be here for...
My first legal drink. He missed this one by 2 months and 15 days.
My first trip to the casino. His friends pulled some strings and got Danny and me a free room at the casino they went to a couple times a year.
My engagement. The one that would be to a guy from Alexandria even though he begged me not to marry anyone from here. The one that would be to a guy that he already told would never be good enough to marry me because no one ever would.
My wedding. The one where I marry a guy from Alexandria even though he begged me not too. The one where I had to dance with his 3 best friends.
My brother's college baseball career. The one where he finally gets to sit in the stands and relax because the goal was achieved.
My college graduation. The one that would be the start of my real job working with him.
My first house with my husband. The one that he helped me save for. The one with the living room that he would have helped me paint red even though all walls in every house should be Antique White.
My first big customer. The one that he tried to get 2 years before he died.
My brother trying to master "Dad's Chicken" on the grill. The kind that cooked every night he could during the summer. Even if he didn't start it until 9pm.
My first baby. The one that has his cheeks, round head and small mouth... and temper when you wake him up before he's ready.
My Grammy passing away. It would have broken his heart, but I never imagined having to go through that without him.
My brother's college graduation. The one that would be the start of his real job working with us.

Things have been tough professionally too. Not only because I'm doing this job without him, but because people have made it tough by trying to "give" our business to someone else right out from under us, then someone actually taking half of it the next year, and another guy just flat out taking advantage. None of which would have happened if he were still here.

It's hard to believe its been 5 years. So much has happened since he's been gone. I miss him just as much now as I did the day it happened. I think about him every single day. I tell everyone that it doesn't get easier. Because it doesn't. You just learn to live with the hurt because life goes on. And it's for the best that it does. If I didn't keep going with my life, I wouldn't be where I am today, and I like where I am. Even though I'm missing a huge part of my life.

Family Weekend

This year for Mother's Day, we opted for giving experiences rather than items. This weekend those experiences, and memories were made.

Our moms love the zoo. My mom has talked about taking Tucker to the zoo since I was pregnant with him. Danny's mom usually has a zoo membership and Christmas at the Zoo is almost an annual tradition.  It was only appropriate that they join us for Tucker's first trip. I was a little worried that Tucker wouldn't think too much of it since he's going to be 18 months old this week. I was so very fortunately wrong. The kid loved it! At first he wasn't so sure about the sharks (me either, buddy!) and fish, but once we hit the penguins the excitement came out.

 

This is where he discovered his love of penguins like his daddy.

 

He's got both of them wrapped around his fingers.

 

The orangutans were another favorite. He yelled at them. Multiple times.

 

 

We shelled out the extra money to ride the train and carousel. Worth it.

 

We timed it perfectly and were done seeing everything just as nap time approached.

 

The rest of the weekend was the rest of my moms gift and included my brother and his girlfriend. And our dog and their dog.  My mom also talks about us all staying the night at her place a lot and it never happened. Until this Saturday. We hung out, ordered pizza, enjoyed some drinks, and played Cards Against Humanity. I know I'm late to the party on this, but that game is hysterical! Definitely some awkward moments when you're playing with family (though, not as awkward when you're eating lunch at the zoo and your mom asks you what the "bruise" on your neck came from), but still LOTS of fun. The Lemon-ade-ritas might be my favorite.

Sunday was an early day for those with a toddler, meaning Danny and me. We went to Starbucks to get him out of the house so those without small children could sleep. We took Diesel too since he's just as disrupting. After driving around for a bit, we got back to my moms and she made breakfast. Pancakes and bacon! We were going to go to the Indianapolis Indians game, but the weather was crappy and our seats were in the lawn. It had rained all night and all morning so that would have been a mess! The big boys went to the gun show (literally and not the muscle/gym kind) and the girls and little boy went shopping. Tucker and Danny needed more clothes for our cruise and Drew's girlfriend hadn't been shopping in months. We all met for Mexican for a late lunch then headed home shortly after.

It was such a great weekend that we can hopefully repeat again.

What's Up Wednesday

Hello. It has been a while since I've been here. I've had a lot going on and just haven't felt the urge to write anything. But, today one of my most favorite bloggers, Mix and Match Mama, is hosting a great link up with a couple of her friends. It's What's Up Wednesday and each month they ask a list of questions (same questions) with a bonus question, the questions that get asked every month are below. I love these types of link ups!

 

What we're eating... My memorial day weekend diet consisted of pasta salad, rum and cheese. So that went well. We're TRYING to eat per the Whole30 guidelines during the week. I don't incorporate bread or cheese into our meals, but we also don't exclude them as possible toppings. We're doing okay though. Last night we had brats (though I'm sure they weren't compliant) and peppers with sauce over spaghetti squash. Thursday will be Egg Roll in a Bowl with pork. Weekends have been full of plans and not so great for us food. I'm not going to get all bent out of shape about it.

 

What I'm reminiscing about... around this time of year, I think about my dad a lot. The memories that I have of him, but lately its been the memories we should have had the chance to make. Mostly of him with Tucker. It is heartbreaking knowing he isn't here to spoil him rotten, beam with pride the first time he hits a baseball or teach him how to say the word "shit" despite me begging him not too. That's the kind of Papaw he would have been. Him not being here for that stuff hurts more than him not being able to walk me down the aisle or dance with me at my wedding. Okay, enough sad stuff.

 

What I'm loving... per Mix and Match Mama's recommendation, I purchased some Skechers GOWalks for our trip to Alaska. They are similar to these except mine are navy blue. They are the most comfortable pair of shoes I've ever put on my feet. I'm going to wear these every chance I get. I'm a Tom's and Sperry's girl, but these will be ideal for traveling. And the zoo. And walking around my house. And even sitting in my house. I love them, can't you tell?

 

What we've been up too... what haven't we been up too? Our mudroom is in full swing.

 

The foundation is being worked on right now, then according to the contractor, it should go pretty quickly from there. With each passing day I get more and more excited about the extra space. We went camping this past weekend and had so much fun. Tucker was kind of a butthead for part of it, but most 1 year olds are at some point. Diesel went with us the first night, but stayed with Danny's mom the second night. He wasn't loving all the "humping" another dog was doing to him. Poor guy. We're also getting ready for our trip to Alaska. There is a lot to do to get ready to leave at work and at home.

 

What I'm dreading...A 4 hour flight with Tucker and the fact that I'm going to be spending some time in a court room in the next few months for 2 separate issues. I'm going to leave it at that.

 

What I'm working on... mentally and physically preparing for our trip and for the craziness at work that starts my first day back. June will be nuts. July will also be nuts. Danny and I tend to thrive under this type of chaos so we'll be fine.

 

What I'm excited about... being away for 12 days. I'm not looking forward to leaving Diesel for that long, but it'll still be fun. Then when we get back I've got a bachelorette weekend, 2 weddings, my best friend's baby, fair week, a camping trip, another baby, and our anniversary. See what I mean by chaos?

 

What I'm watching/reading... honestly, nothing. I need to figure out what books to put on my Kindle before our trip. I haven't turned the tv on to watch something, aside from Sesame Street and Bob the Builder, since I watched the Scandal finale last week, which was a week after it aired.

 

What I'm listening to... I still haven't uploaded my iTunes to my new phone (that I got in February) so I'm listening to the few that were actually on the Cloud over and over again. Its fine.

 

What I'm wearing... my GOWalks and despite my poor eating, size 8 jeans still. Whoop whoop!

 

What I'm doing this weekend... spending lots of time with family. For Mother's Day gifts to our moms, we are taking them with us for Tucker's first trip to the zoo! Then Saturday night we are staying at my moms with my brother and his girlfriend hopefully cookout and swim. Then going to an Indianapolis Indians game on Sunday. It should be fun weekend!

 

What I'm looking forward to next month... after 5 years of talking about it and planning, the big Alaskan Cruise is finally here!

 

What else is new... I think Tucker is trying to weasel his way into sleeping in our bed. We lay in there every night right before his bedtime. He LOVES laying in our bed. He's only taken one nap in there so I'm not sure where the love came from. After the cruise we are probably going to convert his crib to the bed. He sleeps well in the camper bed and if he set his mind too it, he could climb out of his crib. So its about time.

 

And the bonus question... what is your favorite thing to grill next month? We don't do a lot of grilling, but we always say we want to grill more. I'm thinking shishkabobs and maybe pizza are up for the summer.

 

Whew, that was a lot of info! But I feel like I've caught up on what has been going on.

Currently I am...

I did this post last year around this time, and in an attempt to not go on some rampage about what is grinding my gears right now, I'm going to do this fun little thing instead.

Wearing... some size 8 jeans from American Eagle that finally fit and I am so freaking happy about, a top from Loft that has some embellishments on the neckline (making it fancy), and a black cardigan. Also, my Sperry's flip flops. Basically one of the only pairs of shoes I will be wearing this summer. The other pair is another color of Sperry's flip flops. Love them!

Watching... I'm at work so I'm watching nothing. But, what I have been listening to are what I like to call my "fight songs." I have them on my running playlist to get me through when I feel like quitting. But, since my stress fracture, I've been listening to them when I'm feeling discouraged, mostly at work and with other things (they aren't my "job" but they are part of my professional life and extremely frustrating). The two I listen too when I need a pep talk: Don't Put Dirt On My Grave from Nashville (I love show tunes) and the other is Fighter by Christina Aguilera. Yeah, a blast from the past I know. The align perfectly with things going on in my life right now. What I've been through with my dad's business resembles a break up, probably more like a really nasty divorce though. So, these songs remind me not to give up.

Wanting... large sums of money. Who doesn't though? And to go for a run. Obviously, I have a lot on my mind. All I've wanted to do for the last couple of weeks since things have started hitting the fan is to go on a run. I had wine last night and while it was delicious, it wasn't as satisfying as sweat running down my face.

Loving... May. It's been so much fun so far. We've had dinner with friends, we've gone camping, the mudroom is starting to become a reality, and despite the shitheads in my professional life, work has been going pretty well. We've been extremely busy and will be until August with something going on nearly every weekend and then throw in the cruise and us being gone for nearly 2 weeks. We thrive under chaos though.

Testing... life without a boot or brace on my ankle. I really need to be wearing the brace still, but its just so annoying and things have been feeling pretty good. Plus, I don't walk that much. I take like 4,000 steps a day. I think its fine.

Laughing... at the fact that I have not one fight song, but two fight songs.

Weigh-In Wednesday: 5/13/15

I would consider today the first real weigh-in after Whole30.  I've been "on my own" with eating for 2 weeks now and this week's weigh-in proves whether or not I learned anything from my experience and made changes that I can live with.

Last Week: 153.8 lbs

This Week: 153.4 lbs

Change: -.4 lbs

I think its freaking awesome. Considering the amount of alcohol that was consumed and how much "good food" wasn't consumed, its a win.

Like I said yesterday, I'm still using the Whole30 as a guide for planning and building my meals. For example, this was dinner last night.

Ground beef, with peppers, tomatoes (Rotel) and a compliant salsa, then I added black beans and corn and we had it over cauliflower rice. We were both full when it was said and done. While black beans and corn are against Whole30 rules, we don't eat enough of either to really cause any problems. At least we think so anyways.

Tucker loved dinner. He ate with us an hour after he had beef stew, cornbread and ice cream at my mother-in-law's.

As for exercising, I said before I started Whole30 that I wanted to do a love handles challenge. Yeah, that didn't happen. I should probably start that soon. I go back to the doctor next Thursday and I am hoping and praying that I get released to at least start walking. I need to move my bod more than I do on a daily basis. We are toying with the idea of taking our bikes camping next weekend so I could probably do that if I am unable to walk.

I really can't wait to see what happens to my body and weigh loss progress when I can start mixing these healthy eating habits with exercise. I think it will still be a slow process, but more rewarding.